dave is coming

my brother is coming out for a visit in three days. i can't even remember the last time i got to see him. i'm so very excited. there aren't that many people that i truly admire but he is one of them. when i think about our childhood there really were no bad moments with him. those memories - good, great, beloved - i revisit in my dreams. and it is sad how things are taken for granted when you are young because you don't realize how quickly change shifts the direction of your life. if only we could rewind and hear our parents, grandparents, all who spoke words about not growing up too fast into our ears, if only we go back in order to understand the truth behind that wisdom and apply it. if i could rewind i would spend more time with him, be thankful that we shared the same roof, that we ate meals together, rode in the same car to school, and that i had such a powerful ally at times when i needed it most... but didn't always realize. and there is such a naivete to youth, and time slips away through birthdays and arguments, summer camps and friday nights. and before you know it the time you had, the time that seemed to last forever is gone. the time is now referred to as "your childhood," your "high school years", and now, now they call you adult. and the days behind you are locked with keys you cannot not find, with windows only to be looked into and some too dim, too dark to even see through the smudged glass.

maybe no one understand this, but sometimes it makes my heart ache. and i have found that even in the moments where i wish i could have time back i realize how blessed i am to have my brother as a best friend still today. i know this is not the case for everyone and it is something i hold dear to my heart. it is interesting to me the "type" of sibling(s) God decides to give to each of us. i am convinced He knew i needed dave and there were seasons i would not have made it if it weren't for him. the bond, the dynamic between siblings is something so unique, irreplaceable and so pregnant with purpose that i know in the depths of my heart that God allows it all for a reason.

the most difficult of it all is in the goodbye. i get so excited about him coming to visit that i begin the process of preparing myself for when he has to go. and its like something is missing when he is gone. but i believe, as i believe in many things, that one day the goodbye will only be to walk out a door and across a lawn to another door... and we will grill hamburgers the next day.