the death of right and wrong

i have been wrestling lately with the idea of right vs wrong. forgive me ahead of time for the vague post that is forthcoming but i must write it without specifics or names to protect myself and the guilty.

in many instances in my life i have found myself asking why in the world would God allow me to go through this, to be around these types of people, to be in this situation? for what reason? because i do believe that each place He leads me to is for some specific reason. but as of late i find that i am full of frustration most days and in such a fragile place that if i were to say something i might lose something i value. and in this place i have developed a keen eye and a sensitivity to right and wrong, character and the lack thereof. this is difficult for me because i strive to do the right thing as do i strive to have a worthy character. what i do not understand is how there are many people out there in the world we live in that say one thing and do another. and to add insult to injury they seek the approval of others, have their noses so far up other's butts only to use a friendship, which truly is not a friendship, to gain their own selfish desires. these kinds of people, people who bounce from lie to lie, use and abuse other people and their power, disgust me to my core. and i know our God is a just God but where is the justice?

and i realize that i may never see the justice and i just have to be okay with that. and all i can see is this situation that God has allowed me to be in, this exhausting, frustrating situation. and if you are a believer you might be thinking something like, "well all you can do is pray." and sure, sure i can pray and i do but what then? when you have prayed all you can pray and still find the frustration as real as it was the day before, then what?

i realize the big picture is much bigger than i can even fathom. i do realize this and i appreciate that all of this is completely out of my hands and that i am solely responsible for my actions and reactions to things. but is that as good as it can get? and must i go sunrise to sunset, bite my tongue, turn a blind eye, despite the fact that the crime is going without punishment?

my mother said something so simple about this. people are people everywhere you go. they cheat, they steal, they lie and many times they get away with it. and we know in the depths of our soul that these things are wrong and yet i find myself in a place where nothing can be said because the truth has become so twisted in the minds of the ones involved that i believe it is lost, they are lost and the value of right vs. wrong has perished. so where do you go when there has been a death of right and wrong? as women we vent. for me it has been daily ... almost. and i hate that for sam. thankfully he is kind enough to listen and sympathizes.

so i will go on my merry way, which truthfully has not been so merry as of late, but yet i go. and someday, if the time and place presents itself and all the stars align i might, just might say something and pray its not my head in the guillotine.